I’M IN A READING SLUMP! SEND HELP!

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Hi everyone, welcome back to my blog! Today I’m coming at you with another chatty sort of post, I think these might become a thing on my blog, but I’m not sure yet! Anyway, this month I’ve been in a really sucky reading slump and honestly, I’ve tried ignoring it, feeding into it and all the other methods I could think of but nothing is working! So, if y’all have any tips, I’d appreciate it! 💕💕

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TALKING ABOUT MY FEARS // SH*T JUST KEEPS ON GETTING REAL

 

Some of us afraid of the dark. Some of us are afraid of heights. I’m afraid of silence.

I was inspired to write this post a few months ago when I woke up in the middle of the night after experiencing something I don’t think I have ever properly felt. My house is next to a main road, next to two hospitals. My hearing ear faces that road when I sleep. I always have earphones in and music or an audiobook on, or I’m having a conversation with someone, important or not.
I do not allow for silence in my life.

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Anyways, so I woke up in the middle of the night a few months ago and was shocked into a panic attack. This wasn’t the first time I’ve had a panic attack, but it was still a traumatic experience for me.

I’m deaf. I have no hearing in my left ear due to a structuring problem and have dealt with and ignored this my whole life.

I have always felt more comfortable living next to a main road, it means constant noise and constant comfort. Yes, you can still hear. You are okay. So, when I awoke to total silence for what was probably the first time in my life I lost my shit. I was exhausted and afraid. I was new to this and if you don’t’ have a disability you may not understand. I would equate this feeling to your period coming late and you looking down at your white pad and thinking am I pregnant? Even if you’re not sexually active. It’s ridiculous and there’s no reason for you to think it but, for a few seconds, you’re scared shitless.

I have lived my whole life this, mostly without realising it. I have always had noise. I always have the tap of my keyboard or the constant jabber or my youngest brother to keep me aware. I have never known silence. It’s like that thing or place you’ve hard everyone else talks about but you’ve never been and you still don’t fully understand it. I had never experienced silence until that night and I was not a fan.

I’ll be honest, I am still afraid of certain insects that lurk in the night, and I’m not big on escalators. But, more than anything I am afraid of losing my hearing. It shouldn’t be a big deal, but as someone who already struggles o the day-to-day with only one functioning ear, I’m not fond of the idea of going fully deaf. I’m not saying it would be the end of the world, but a lot comes with being disabled, some of which I have already experienced and some which I hope never to experience.

I am afraid of silence, and I don’t think that will ever change. I am afraid of silence and that is my big secret. I am afraid of silence and I hope you never will be.

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HOW HAS YOUR DAY BEEN?
YOU DON’T HAVE TO GIVE ME YOUR TELL ALL OR TELL ME YOU RELATE, BUT HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HAVING SECRET FEARS?

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I’VE BEEN A VEGETARIAN FOR THREE YEARS??? 

Hey guys, I’ve been a vegetarian for over 3 years and today I am going talk about that! I’m hoping to share the ups and downs and some tips and tricks with you guys. My aim isn’t to pull you over to the dark side, just to share my experience with you all!

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BUSTING SOME MYTHS

  • You can’t get enough protein or iron

Most foods contain some amount of protein, excluding some foods like sugar because duh. You can get a great and often even amount of protein from a cup of beans so give that a try, and beans pretty much go with anything, but I prefer them in salads and in pasta.

There are people who eat meat as a part of their diet but are still iron deficient so don’t play that with me. Just take supplements if you’re stressing about your iron levels. Also, eat some spinach.

  • You will lose weight

Not necessarily. Weight loss counts on how you treat and use your body, eating or not eating meat won’t change that. If you’re still eating highly fatty or processed foods, just without meat then you will not lose weight.

  • It’s expensive

I mean no, not really. The money you used to spend on meat, you just now spend on more of other ingredients. It’s no biggie, you might spend a bit more than usual in the first few months as you reinvent your meals and get to know the diet but after that everything goes back to normal.

  • You’re always hungry

Okay, so if all you eat is fruit then yes you will always be hungry because fruit is not a filling food type. However, if you eat properly and correctly then you won’t be hungry.

  • You have to eat meat alternatives

No, you don’t, in fact, the ones I have access to from my local stores taste like ass so that’s just not for me.

  • All your meals will be boring

No, they won’t. In fact, I think since losing an aspect of my meals (meat) I have really learnt to explore different flavours and different ingredients.

  • You have to eat tofu

No, you don’t. Please don’t feed into that lie. I love tofu, it is one of my favourite foods but I haven’t eaten any tofu in at least 6 months and I’m still alive guys.

IS IT HARD?

Okay, so I am technically Pescatarian because I do eat fish BUTT before you yell at me, I refer to myself as vegetarian because it’s just easier and I barely eat fish anyway, it’s more a convenience thing for friends and family.

So, is it hard? How have I acclimatised to this new life without meat?

Honestly, I made this decision overnight. I hadn’t been enjoying or eat meat for a couple weeks and I was sick of it so I just walked up to my mum and said I didn’t want to eat meat anymore. And so we compromised, she didn’t want me going full vegetarian and I wanted to stop eating meat – so now I don’t eat red meats.

Honestly, no it’s not hard. Sure, it sucks that I am the only vegetarian in my house but it won’t be such a big deal/ problem for anyone once I move out of my house.

TIPS AND TRICKS

  • Research

You need to research, you really do. I just decided overnight that I wanted to do this, I thought it would be easy. And sure it is when you know what you’re doing. If you know nothing about staying healthy while also being on the diet or you don’t understand anything about experimenting and trying new flavours then good luck to you.

If you are interested in the side of the diet; aka. the mistreatment of animals in the meat industry then I suggest reading Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer, especially if you live in America.

  • Don’t Dive In

I see you, and I ask you to please not dive into vegetarianism. It’s not a good idea. You need to first research and properly think about whether this is something you do want to do and something you want to take the time to understand and get creative with.

  • Take A Breather

You’ve done your research, you’ve thought everything out now the last step is just getting out there and going to your local store or your local markets (or even Amazon if that’s available to you) and find out what is available to you. If there aren’t a lot of vegetarian “shelves” in your stores then this is where you get creative, don’t buy a veggie patty, make one – you might even find you like it.

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HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED GOING VEGETARIAN? COULD YOU HANDLE LIVING WITHOUT MEAT?

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SILENCE | I’m hella deaf you guys

Hey guys, today I’m coming at you with a different and more #real kind of post. I’ve never gotten quite this serious with you guys but lately, it’s occurred to me that I don’t really know that much about you guys, and or do you know all that much about me.

This year one of my low-key goals was to write more Life Chats posts so I’m doing that today by talking with you guys about my disability!

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What’s it like to be deaf? Well, let me tell you my experience so far…

BEING DEAF

First up, being deaf is not as easy as it sounds. Ha, I made a joke. It’s funny when I do it, but, not when you do it.

Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way – I am deaf. I am hearing-impaired. There is technically a difference and I understand that difference, but I have always (well, not always) referred to myself as deaf so you can fight me. I am completely deaf (absolutely no hearing) in my right ear, but I also do not have 100% hearing in my left, so basically I’m not supposed to listen to loud music, but just try telling that to my 12 yr old depressed self who was obsessed with screamo.

(yes, I still cringe looking back at that time)

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  • I miss out on so many conversations & never understand song lyrics.
  • My parents didn’t even notice until I was four. They just thought me getting the alphabet and every song ever wrong was cute. Well, I still get sh*t wrong and it’s not cute.
  • Am I ignoring you or did I just never notice you were speaking in the first place?
  • I am constantly being told to stop ignoring people.
  • Yo, where’s my representation?
  • I hate music that uses both headphones to play music. Does that make sense? Like, when the drums play through one earphone but the lyrics play through the other. Great, now I can only hear one element of the song. It’s not cool or edgy, it’s ignorant and rude and makes me cry.

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BUT, THERE MUST BE A POSITIVE, RIGHT?

What I love most of all about being deaf is being told I’m not. Like, wow I’ve gone almost 18 years of my life thinking I couldn’t hear properly but now you’ve come along and fixed me with your able-bodied, privileged and unsolicited opinions. Thanks, but no thanks.

Seriously, I’ve yet to find a perk to this. Yeah, you think it’s funny or cool when you say shit like, “Oh, but you can just ignore people on commend though, right?”. First of all, I’m not ignoring anyone, I just literally cannot hear you. And second, I would rather have the ability to ignore people rather than have everyone judge me for thinking I was.

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THE FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING YOU HAVE A DISABILITY

Yeah, you heard it (I didn’t) right, I legitimately had to admit to myself that I had a disability. For so much of my life it had jsut been a thing that people told me I had. I’ve been half deaf since birth so it had never been a big thing for me… until it was.

For most of my life (let’s say the first 12 years) I was just cruising along probably missing a lot of conversations, but I was cruising and everything was fine. My grades were fantastic, my friends and teachers were totally understanding and life was going great.

And then I started high school, the Big Cahoona. And, suddenly I could tell. Oh shit, I’m deaf. Like, it suddenly became a big deal. All of a sudden I was constantly having to remind my teachers that I couldn’t understand what they were saying, I was having to explain to my friends why I couldn’t sit at the back of the classroom (something, after 5 years, none of them ever seemed to grasp). Suddenly my only having half the hearing everyone else had was a big deal.

It was an honest to God, hard process, to go from not really needing to think about anything aside from which side of the classroom I was on t having to constantly remind people to please let me stand on the other side if we’re having a conversation. It is a harsh and terrible process. Nobody else in my family is deaf – it’s sort of that thing that we all knew about but never talked about.

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Yeah, yeah I am.

I am deaf and it is not easy.

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PET PEEVES

DON’T CALL ME, DON’T FORKING DO IT

I know you probably just forgot, but could you take a minute before you press the call button to remember that I cannot hear for sh*t on the phone.

WHAT WAS THAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY? OH, I’M SORRY, COULD YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?

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I get it, you think you’re funny. But, you’re not. At least, where I am in my life right now, I cannot laugh with you about my disability, I just don’t find it funny.

It’s not funny to me and as soon as one of us leaves the room I will start crying – my disability might be a joke to you, but it’s not to me.

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WAIT, YOU’RE DEAF?

Yes, I am. Do you feel shitty now? Well, you shouldn’t. I’m pretty good at reading lips at this point. But, if you harp on about how you never realised I will hurt you because I know that you weren’t aware, it was pretty obvious.

NOT EVERYONE REMEMBERS

Disclaimer: I’m not sh*tting on anyone but this stuff really annoys me.

High School is a hell hole and teachers can barely remember your name, let alone the fact that you have a disability. On occasion (or if you have hearing aids) you will get a teacher that actually remembers and understands that it’s not easy, but generally, you have to remind them every couple of lessons. It’s not a fun time.

This is the one that hurts the most: I have two friends. that’s it and I’m fine with it. But, my friends never remember that I’m deaf, it rarely occurs to them that I need to stand on their right sides so I can hear. It doesn’t occur to them that I can’t talk on the phone or that I’m going to need the subtitles. I know that they’re not deaf but it still breaks me heart a little everytime they forget one of the little things.

THE BIG ONE: WHY DON’T YOU WEAR HEARING AIDS?

Yes, you heard that right folks, I don’t wear hearing aids. Because I don’t want to and at the moment I don’t feel like I need them. Sorry if that offends you but it’s my body and I can do what I want with it.

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DO YOU KNOW ANYONE DEAF? HOW FAR THOROUGH MY RANT DID YOU GET? (SORRY THIS ONE WAS A BIT OF A DOWNER)

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SURVIVING YEAR 12: IS IT POSSIBLE? YES.

Hey guys, this has been a long time coming but today I am finally coming at you with a post I have been really excited about, but also dreading. Today, I’m talking to all of you about… year 12, God help me. 

I finished year 12 in 2017 and now, finally, I’m giving you some of the advice I wish I had been told back in 2016. 

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SOME TIPS AND TRICKS

  • Talk to people

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Talk to your friends, don’t ignore them. Lean on each other and edit each other’s essays, it helps and it’s less stressful. Most people are likely to take on their friend’s advice rather than their teacher’s.

If you need extra support, that’s okay. During year 12 I saw the school nurse many times – about my mental health, but also just for her to help me with all my uni stuff. If I hadn’t talked to her I honestly would’ve given up.

  • Cut out the shit

You’re in an unhealthy friendship? Get yourself out of it.

You’re overly stressed and can’t concentrate? Stop. Go for a walk or go re-watch Jumanji 2 again and then come back, drink some water and tell yourself that you can’t stop working again until your laptop runs out of charge.

You are in year 12, you have no excuses, Back up your drives, know your schedule, pack your bag the night before, breathe, know your assessment, never leave an assignment until the night before.

  • Find your passion

What’s your passion? I have two: My dog & the cinema. Work them into your life.

So, what did I do in 2017 when I got overly stressed? I went to the cinema or if I had to save money that month, I went for a hike with my dog. I did something I knew I could benefit from and found something that would make me happy or walked until I was so exhausted I couldn’t even think about why I was so stressed anymore.

  • You’re going to be stressed, embrace it and learn to use it

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You’re going to be stressed, that’s a given so don’t even try to deny it.

Let your stress fuel you, but don’t let it define you or take you over.

Use your stress to help you get drafts done early and to get on top of your assessment. However, don’t let it take over your life. School can easily take over your life – you attend it for 6-7+ hours for 5 days a week, you also have homework and assessment, you may also have extracurriculars & clubs and you may also be part of sports teams.
By the time you knock out your weekly list, you will have little to no time to yourself – don’t spend it stressing, spend it doing something for yourself. You’re exhausted? get some sleep, you probably need it. You can’t sleep? Work on your sleep schedule and maybe dropping your caffeine consumption down a coffee or two.

YOU COME FIRST 

  • You do you

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Take care of yourself.

Take your health seriously. Drink enough water, don’t stress about your acne but also keep your skin clear (nobody actually enjoys having acne okay), study throughout the term. And, most importantly: know your limits.

  • Sleep – you need it.

Hands down, the most important thing in your senior year is sleep. You need it and you need to come to terms with that very quickly. You’re running on 3 hours of sleep because you were watching The Good Place for the third time? Well, good luck to you good sir.

I would recommend getting at least 8 hours sleep, but 9 would be even better. That being said, I know that’s not always possible because some crazy people get up at 5am (WHYYYY?).

SCHOOL

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Embrace your work. In year 12 I really came out of my shell, I told people what I thought of them and didn’t hold back (but not in a rude because bullying is not my jam).

I really got into my English projects – I became the queen of assignment titles and powerpoint headers. I embraced my pessimistic, sarcastic nature and it actually benefited me.

I had fun with my assignments, I refused to be bored or to hold myself back in the only class I actually enjoyed.

Some examples:

  • I AM, YOU ARE, WE ARE DYSTOPIAN

I wrote an opinion peice arguing (using Brave New World and 1984) that we already live in a dystopian world. My title is a twist on a well-known and famous Australian song.

  • When It Comes To Advertising, Everything Is Tits Up

Do I even need to explain what this speech was about?

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Yeah… I was exhausted and stressed and just wanted to graduate and be done with high school.

I also got really close with some of my teachers – and I actually baked for them at the end of the year (which is a feat because I hate baking). And while I’m on that, let your teachers know that you apprecitate them.

ALSO, ASK QUESTIONS

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Why? You need to do this because if you don’t as no one will tell you anything ever. I’m talking anything from Did Shakespeare really write “What, you Egg!” in Macbeth? to How do I do my taxes? Because honestly you guys, they will not teach you these things in school. You need to ask your teachers or you will have to suddenly figure it out by yourself and abuse Google and no one wants to do that.

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And lastly…

Have fun. This is your last year of high school, you might never see most of these people again and you will regret it if you spend the year ignoring people and stressing until you can’t sleep. Trust me, it makes all the difference.

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GOOD LUCK + FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ABOUT ANYTHING IN THE COMMENTS.

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HOW TO DEAL WITH SLEEP LOSS | + INTRODUCING LIFE CHATS

Hey guys, today I’m coming at you with a new post and a new feature! I feel like I don’t really talk about myself on my blog (outside of tags) s I thought this might be a nice way for you guys to slowly get to know me. I already have a few of these planned so hopefully, you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them!

Numero uno. How do I deal with sleep loss? Well, I always try to do some exercise throughout the day, this way when I actually get home after work I am exhausted and my mind isn’t still going 100 miles an hour. Whether that be walking up and down the side of a pool for 3 hours at work, or catching the bus and walking those few extra meters to and from the bus stop instead of catching a ride to the front gates.

Excercise is always a healthy option for staying fit and getting tired on a healthier scale. I find that if you do these things throughout the day, instead of just going for a hike and collapsing, not only is it healthier for your sleep schedule and your mind, but it is better for your body in the long run.

However, I realise that these are not attainable goals for everyone so I have two slightly unhealthier versions for you guys.

  1. No Caffeine, instead, try some sleep tea or some warm water or milk before you go to bed.
  2. Or, another option is sleeping pills, which I know is a very popular option for a lot of people. Personally, I try to avoid taking as many pills as possible and prefer to organise my body clocks naturally so I know I don’t need to rely on pills to get more than 3 hours sleep. However, if you do choose to take sleeping pills you need to allow time for your body to get used to them. You can’t take one for the first day and expect anything to happen, it will take anywhere from a week to a month for them to kick in, so be prepared for that.

Ah, yes, my second tip for today. Now, brace yourselves guys, this is going to sound bad; Sleep Loss.

Yeah, it’s not the healthiest option, nor is it much fun but hey, life isn’t fair. What I’ve found, and granted I am not a professional, is that in order to adjust and/or fix up my sleeping schedule in the post I have had to actually lose sleep. I’ve had days where I’ve gotten home, finished all my work, gone to sleep and then had to wake up 2 or 3 hours later because I’ll be damned if I don’t fix my body clock!

It sucks at the time, but once you and your body are getting along, your life is going to be a lot easier, and I know at least that sleep is one less thing I have to stress over throughout the week.

Now, here is my main time for this blog post. Before you fix your body clock or anything like that, you need to first understand the issue.

Here are some things to think about:

  • Is your brain still whirring when you’re trying to get to sleep?
  • Are you stressed?
  • Did you get all your work done on time or are you worried about that exam you forgot to ram for?
  • Did you have dinner before you went to sleep?
  • Did you go to the bathroom beforehand?

Ask yourself these questions and try to understand where your sleep loss issue is coming from, for me, it’s stress. I have pretty intense anxiety so for m stress has been a clingy friend I can’t shake, for years. However, I didn’t even recognise it as stress until late last year, and boy was I shocked. Past me didn’t think she had anxiety issues, but past me was very (very) wrong.

For me, every night I take a shower before bed to try and relax, this ay I am not thinking about anything important, and if everything has gone to plan, I should have already done all my homework and blogging.

Aside from a shower, I also have a routine, I always keep a bottle of cold water on my table next to me, along with my lip balm. Even if I don’t use them, for whatever reason it always calms me down to know that they are an arms length away. It’s weird but it works for me, so all you guys need to do is find out what makes you tick, and to make yourselves as comfortable as you can.

Lastly, I want to recommend something that is a whole lot unhealthier but works for me. I don’t know about you guys, but it turns out I’m a workaholic. I love working, probably too much. I am currently getting my hours up to become a full-time swim coach and will be starting fulltime in January (hopefully). I am also currently searching for a second job, I will also be starting Uni next year so I guess I really hate myself.

Anyway, so… my point. Yes, I do have one. If none of the above worked for you then you may just have try them all and then revert back to just tiring yourself out and having an alarm set for the next morning.

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How do you deal with sleep loss? Did any of my tips help or am I barking mad?

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